Mark van Pletsen gave us a challenging word by calling us to be people who are courageous enough to have the conversations that need to be had, and to understand the theology and importance of why it is helpful for us. God wants to bring peace and harmony to our Church and our world, but sometimes this requires courageous conversations within conflict. God calls us to be peacemakers, not just peace lovers who avoid conflict. We need to become agents of peace and reconciliation in the world, which comes with the difficult mandate of speaking the truth with love.
In 1 Corinthians, Paul shames the Church that was suing one another and urges the believers with disagreements to deal with the disputes together in an amicable way. As Christians, it is better for us to be wronged or cheated than to go the legal route. God gives us ways to navigate issues and disputes. To be like Jesus is to embrace a life where we sometimes have to lose to win people for God. Our losses are God’s gains when we become courageous enough to have the kind of conversations that need to be dealt with.
Where people are involved, conflict is inevitable, but we are called for our gentleness to be evident in dealing with it. When we learn to deal with issues within the Church, we can then carry that over into the world. Romans 12:18 challenges us that if possible, we are to live at peace with everyone. That means it depends on us where we have the opportunity to allow God’s grace to invade the conflict. There is no such thing as a conflict-free zone, not even in the Church. We need to be brave to speak up about the elephants in the room. When we are courageous and move toward conflict instead of shying away from it, God can fix the problem.
The greatest lie of the devil is that time heals all things. It doesn’t. The pain won’t go away until the issue has been dealt with, so we can be healed of the root of the hurt. God is a God of peace, but we live in a world with agents of chaos who create conflict to bring about disharmony and disunity. As people, there are ways we usually like to deal with offenses and conflict, such as acting like:
- A Bunny: You run away and hide.
- A Tortoise: You shrink into your shell, isolate, and don’t allow anyone to speak to you about it.
- A Snake: Like a cobra, you strike back to fight in defence.
- A Peacock: You become louder and bigger, trying to take glory for yourself instead of giving it to God.
Reacting to offences and conflicts like these animals kills relationships. The Gospel of reconciliation is God’s mandate that we must share in every conflict, whether it be with our family or whomever God puts us together with. There is a process to get to peace, and it means having that difficult conversation. Unresolved conflict has these three very serious consequences:
- It affects your relationship and fellowship with God – Matthew 5:23.
- It hinders your prayers – 1 Peter 3:7.
- It steals and affects your joy.
To help us, Mark shares seven simple ‘Courageous Conflict 101’ hot tips to navigate your conflicts God’s way:
- Be quick out of the blocks – Don’t put off dealing with issues, wasting precious time, believing the pain will heal. The sooner things are dealt with, the sooner your peace and relationship can be restored. Get over your fear by choosing to be courageous and doing it anyway. Giving a gift can often open the doors to having difficult conversations.
- Follow the correct steps – Don’t gossip about the issue to others but speak to the person involved directly. Stop even listening to gossip. Follow the advice in God’s Word and trust Him in the circumstances to see miracles and relationships reconcile. See Matthew 18.
- Take ownership of your part – Stop fighting to be right all the time, and self-justifying and defending your actions. There are blind spots to your convictions, and part of your healing is them! Fight for your friendships instead of just letting them die away.
- Listen – Be prepared to listen, watch your tone when you speak, and be brave enough to go face-to-face with them so you can look them in the eyes. Listen to truly understand them and not just to reply.
- Adjust your attitude – Assume the best in others, not the worst. We need to strive to have an attitude like Jesus and not react, be compassionate, gentle, and slow to anger. See Philippians 4 and 5.
- Speak truth in love – Ephesians 4 tells us to speak the truth but with love. One without the other leads to chaos and broken relationships. We can only grow and mature when we are courageous enough to speak the truth, which is ‘tough’ love.
- Reconciliation is greater than resolution – Your focus needs to be on reconciliation, not on resolution. Your relationships are more important than agreeing on everything. God has called you to a Gospel of reconciliation as an agent of peace.
We need to understand the seriousness of conflict and not avoid or ignore it. Transformation and revival look a lot like forgiveness. We are most like Jesus when we are making peace. When you choose to be courageous and have those conversations that need to be had, in your marriages, with your family, and with your friends, you allow the conflicts to become opportunities for God’s grace to triumph.