Marriage is the most wonderful and challenging thing we’ll ever do! The Bible says it’s a profound mystery and is actually a picture of the love between Christ and his bride, the church.
Trying to fit two sinful people for many years is one of the hardest things in life. We need God’s supernatural grace and we need to understand the gospel.
For God so loved the world that He GAVE us His only son. Jesus GAVE HIMSELF UP for us not because we deserved it, but because of His grace. Grace says, “Since God treats me with grace, I’m going to treat you with grace. Since God forgives me, I’m going to forgive you.”
Our model for marriage is Jesus and His bride. When we truly understand the gospel it’ll have a profound impact on our marriages!
In Ephesians 5 God gives husbands and wives a strategy on how marriage works best.
Ephesians 5:21
Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.
Husbands are called to love their wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her. (v25)
Wives are called to submit to their husbands as to the Lord and to respect their husbands.
Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord (v22)… and let the wife see that she respects her husband (v33)
I know submission can often be a feared and distorted concept. We fear losing ourselves or fear being weak. But biblical submission is found throughout scripture.
Jesus submits to His Father: ‘Not my will, but yours be done’. As believers, we also submit to God.
Submission says I will trust God because He is good and his design and ways are perfect. I will trust Him more than my feelings & opinions. You’ll find the more you submit the easier it’ll be for your husband to play his part, which is to ‘lay his life down for you’.
God also calls us to respect our husbands and this is a command, not a suggestion.
Notice what he’s doing right and appreciate him. Speak well of him and praise him in front of your kids and friends. It’s very hard for a husband to love his wife who continually disapproves of him.
I know, sometimes he won’t be respectable but there’ll be times when we aren’t lovable! I need Mark to love me and be more compassionate when I’m at my worst.
This is the gospel!
If we aren’t loving and accepting of our husbands we probably aren’t understanding God’s love and acceptance of us.
Marriage is an unconditional commitment to an imperfect person. We need God’s supernatural grace for our marriages!
Here is some encouragement for every stage of marriage:
- Newly Weds
Build into your marriage, and make sure you have a strong foundation before kids come along.
Make sure you’re not cutting out the rest of the world. Enjoy community and friends.
Be spontaneous by taking a night or weekend away while you can. If you’re struggling, talk! Get help sooner than later.
- Marrieds with young kids
This is a tough, demanding season. Try to enjoy them when they’re young. Before you know it you’ll be missing their cuddles!
In this season I had to learn that I couldn’t do everything that I used to and how I used to do it.
This is a macaroni & cheese-for-a-week kind of season! A season of talking to God while changing nappies and having time to only read 2 lines of scripture for your devotions.
Isaiah 40:11 says that Jesus our shepherd gently leads those that have young.
Be kind to yourself by taking personal time. Get a babysitter and take moments to spoil yourself. Go for a date night or a coffee with your husband. Remember to prioritize your marriage first then the kids.
In this season it’s so important to be disciplining our kids. If you win the battles when they’re young it’ll be easier during the teenage phase.
- Marrieds with teens
This can be a tricky season because you don’t have as much control. They’re growing up and making decisions for themselves.
Teaching them the consequences of their decisions is so important. Let them learn from their mistakes as it can often be the best teacher. As moms, we try to protect them too much.
Keep speaking God’s word to them.
Deuteronomy 6:7 says:
Repeat them again and again to your children. Talk about them when you are at home and when you are on the road, when you are going to bed and when you are getting up.
In other words in your everyday life, speak and teach God’s word.
I’d often take quick moments while doing school lifts or preparing dinner to speak to them about what the bible says about whatever they’re facing.
Provide them with a safe space to communicate openly with you. A calm and collected face goes a long way when they’re telling you things that might freak you out on the inside! You want them to talk to you, don’t scare them away!
Remember they’re God’s children before they’re ours. Trust God with them. As moms we can often feel we aren’t enough, but remember when you’re not enough, Jesus is enough!
Whatever season you find yourself in, remember God’s divine power has given you everything you need for a godly life (including being a wife and mom) through our knowledge of him. (2 Peter 1:3)